Gale
by soften1221
Summary: After hearing Haymitch's explanation, Katniss' resolution to find Peeta strengthens. The only obstacle standing in her way now is telling Gale of her plan...


"Gale."

After about an hour of wandering the rooms and hallways of this bunker looking for him- I guess I really didn't know where I was going- I find him. Gale. He is sitting at a large wooden table that serves as a desk, pouring over a stack of papers so large I couldn't even begin to count them. And I don't know why, but I feel like this is the first time I've seen him since I returned from the arena. It isn't of course, but still the feeling stands.

He looks up at me with a surprise so plain, I want to laugh. I would, if I could remember how to. His thick eyebrows are arched so high they almost touch the ceiling.

"Katniss?"

"Um. . . . Hey, Gale."

Without hesitation, he stands and crosses the distance between us. I'm still standing in the small doorway, so Gale takes my hand hesitantly and pulls me into an embrace. Again, not the first embrace we've shared over the past month, but one that feels so overdue I sigh in relief.

"Katniss," he says softly, not breaking the hug, "What, I mean, why-"

He cuts off and grasps my shoulders, gently pushing them back so I'm forced to look at him. Other than the dark circles of unrest that hang under his gray eyes, Gale looks much the same as always. Gale, the only consistent thing in my life. My rock. I wonder what he must be thinking looking at me. What do I look like? I still_ feel_ terrible. The change in my attitude has been enormous, but I doubt that this is evident by looking at me. Suddenly, I feel self conscious as Gale's eyes sweep over my face.

"Talk to me, Katniss."

I guess I still haven't spoken, distracted by the thoughts running through my head. What did I come here to say? I don't know, I don't remember…

"Can we… can we talk?"

Gale laughs a real, steady laugh. I smirk, as this is the closest thing to a smile I can muster right now.

"Yeah, Catnip," Gale says jokingly as he leads me to his cot, the same kind that I sat on just recently with Finnick. "We can talk."

As we sit on the squeaky mattress, and Gale takes my hand, I know there's no more room for hesitation. I just have to say what I came here to say and think through my emotions later. So I begin with the most basic and to the point opening I can think of.

"I need to find Peeta."

I'm looking at him, and he's looking at me.

"I'm going to find him, or what's left of him, and I needed to tell you. I can't ask for anything more than what you've already done for me, but I just needed to tell you first…"

"Done for you?" I see shame in Gale's eyes, though I can't fathom why. "Done for you, Katniss? What have _I_ done for you? For the past month, you've been. . . and I did nothing. I stood by because I couldn't handle it, couldn't stand seeing you that way. You owe me nothing."

I don't want to talk about owing. I don't want to explain to Gale that he does everything for me just by staying here, with me. I don't want to admit how much he means to me. It will just make this whole process harder.

"Katniss, if you're going to find him, I'm going with you."

I stand up from the bed abruptly, and Gale drops my hand in surprise.

"No Gale! I can't ask you to do that for me. It's no one's responsibility but mine to find Peeta, especially not yours! Just the thought, of you…" I stumble upon my own words. "I can't let you risk your life, just because you feel guilty…"

The instant they leave my mouth, I know I've chosen the wrong words. And so does Gale. The next thing I know, he's standing, his tall stature and hard muscles more noticeable than ever.

"Do you think I want to go because I feel _guilty_?" He's yelling at me. "Because I feel like I _owe _you something? Like this is a chore that I'm doing out of _regret_?" He grabs his hair in his fists and the tendons jut from his biceps. "God damn it, Katniss!"

I'm frightened- I don't think I've ever seen Gale so angry. How did this conversation turn out like this? But I realize with the heightened emotions between Gale and I that have been building ever since I returned from the first games, I should have expected nothing less. In fact this is probably just a minor outburst compared to what it could be. I feel the urge to comfort Gale, run my hand through his dark hair and tell him I'm sorry, for all the pain I ever caused him. But I know this would be inappropriate. In a matter of days Haymitch will have arranged a rescue party, and I'll be leaving to find what's become of the boy who never stopped loving me, who I never realized I loved until I lost. Comforting Gale now would be unfair to him.

We're standing on opposite sides of the small room, Gale is leaning his head against the wall and I'm still hovering by the cot, unsure of what to do next. I feel the best option now would be to leave, think through all of this, then come back and firmly tell Gale there is no way he is coming with me to find Peeta. As quietly as I can, I stalk towards the door. But Gale is a hunter. His ears almost as sensitive as mine. How could I forget this?

His stride to me is so quick and decided, I don't have time to react until I realize his lips are pressed to mine with so much intensity, I can't breathe. But I can't focus on how exquisitely perfect, how amazingly right it feels. Because it's wrong. All wrong.

I have to shove against him with all my might to break us apart, knowing it wasn't the force but the resistant that signaled him. His face drains of all the intensity it contained before, and in his eyes there is only a sadness so deep, it makes me want to break down right here on the floor and cry.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I can't."

But before I can leave- stumble out of this room and find my way back to… to where? Where on Earth have I left to go now? - Gale grabs my arm and pulls me into his arms again.

"No, Katniss. I'm sorry. But I'm going with you. I won't let you get away from me again."

And as I break down and sob in Gale's steady arms, I know that nothing I say can stop him.


End file.
